The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
