I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
