I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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