Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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