I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
