This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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