how can u be prego again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize