his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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