i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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