a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
