My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
