come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
