you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
