So drunk its hurt
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
