i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize