things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
