I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
