put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize