Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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