I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
