she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
