Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
