You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
