I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
