God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
