you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Farmville is her only friend.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
