It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
