I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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