Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
