so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
