My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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