I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
