What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
