I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
