i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize