While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
