Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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