remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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