It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
