i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
