No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this just has baby written all over it
it glows. i had to have it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
