grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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