I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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