i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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