hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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