theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
