after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
