I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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