im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i think i just lost a toe
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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