just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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