does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
