had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
