I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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