god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
