remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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