New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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