Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
They took my balls.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
