I am midnight drunk by noon
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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