this beer tastes like vomit already
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
