it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
