If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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