i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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