So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize