When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
