Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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