What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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