My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
