gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
